SEYCHELLIOS referee Bernard Carmille arrived at Harare International Airport soon after midday on Friday and found himself the main sporting news in Zimbabwe.
Yours Truly was at the airport – minding his own business – when Mr Carmille arrived, and can safely tell you that the guy was shocked to see his face on the back page of The Herald.
We will come back to our referee from The Seychelles soon, but we must need to first raise our glasses to Phillip Chiyangwa.
I hope Captain Fiasco will not turn himself into Prophet Fiasco and start a pentecostal church lest Sir find himself shouting “I receive Papa Fidza”.
The rate at which the Zifa and Cosafa president is defying the odds is really something to marvel at, everything he is touching is turning into gold apparently.
Issa Hayatou is gone!
And just like was the case when he ran for Zifa presidency and Cosafa’s top job, Chiyangwa is having the last laugh.
It seems Chiyangwa achieves whatever he sets out to do and we have to give it up to him, he sticks at it even when we are taking him for a fool.
“I come across as a big joke to some people but I achieve big,” he told guests at his “birthday party” recently.
So is there anything Chiyangwa can do about Arsene Wenger at my beloved The Arsenal?
Having masterminded the demise of Hayatou you can bet your last bond coin that Captain Fiasco will be at the National Sports Stadium today to rally behind Makepekepe.
Every patriotic Zimbabwean should be in Makepekepe’s corner this afternoon, but as you know there are some who are born with defects.
For the life in me I don’t understand how a Zimbabwean will pay his US$5 to support TP Mazembe, a team that is full of players who seem fond of using screen lightening creams.
Such people are dangerous; never leave them anywhere near your kids.
Caps United have a massive game on their hands this afternoon and it should not escape any one of us that Makepekepe are representing Zimbabwe.
A good show by Makepekepe in this year’s CAF Champions League campaign might open doors for the country to have two representatives in Africa’s top club competition next year.
And why not when we have our man Ahmad Ahmad as the numero uno at CAF?
Events of the past week could not have escaped Mr Bernard Carmille, The Seychellios referee taking charge of today’s game.
Carmille seems to have an incestuous relationship with TP Mazembe.
Pressure will be on him this afternoon, every move he will make will be scrutinised. But Yours Truly won’t be quick to judge Carmille.
We all have done things we have regretted in our lives and chances are that the official is regretting the day he gave Mazembe two dubious penalties, sent off an Orlando Pirates player and added 10 minutes of injury time.
Carmille will either be a brave man or a foolish one – or both – to attempt such diabolic officiating on these shores.
This, Mr Carmille must know, is not the DRC where referees get applauded for aiding TP Mazembe to win matches. This is Zimbabwe and we believe in fair play. All we ask of this controversial referee is fairness.
The days of referees cherry-picking teams they want to play in the lucrative group stages of the CAF Champions League are long gone. Issa Hayatou and his handsome face are no longer around to protect such.
We are watching you Carmille!
And when I say we I refer to the esteemed office of Sir as well as the new CAF leader Ahmad who is eager to rid African football of its corrupt tag.
Just for today, allow me to say Kepekepe Bhora!
Sir exits the scene!
Sir is social media commentator and writes this satirical column in his personal capacity. Feedback: firstname.lastname@example.org