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‘I’m Engaged to a Woman But My Family Doesn’t Know I’m Gay’

“My family has no idea that I am into girls and I am terrified that they will disown me.” Abiola to the rescue!

Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on networks from MTV to the BBC and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!

Dear Abiola,   

I am a lesbian and I am happily in love with the woman of my dreams. I’m 28 and I met the love of my life 7 months ago online. Last week, she proposed and I said yes. She is very comfortable with her sexuaity and everybody knows her orientation. This is the complete opposite of me and my life. My father is a pastor so obviously my family is very Christian and they believe that gayness is a choice.

My family has no idea that I am into girls. I am terrified that they will disown me but my fiancé says that she can’t continue with me in the closet. This makes sense as we want to get married within the next year.

My plan is making a speech after Christmas dinner when everybody is together. Then I’ll explain that my friend is really my “special friend.” My girlfriend will be there too. Any suggestions?

Dear Sacred Bombshell,

Congrats on finding the love of your life! I am so proud of you for walking in your truth.

Here are some tips on coming out to your loved ones:

Your girlfriend has a right to want a relationship that is not a dirty, little secret. However, you have a right to choose your own timeline for coming out to your family.
I understand that everyone will be together for the holidays, but your parents may feel blindsided. Consider setting up a time to speak with them separately beforehand. Maybe a day or 2 before to give them time to adjust.
Try on the perspective of “I’m so excited to share my good news with you” when speaking to your loved ones.
Clearly explain that your sexual orientation is not a choice. Explain that you have always felt this way and you’re just now having the courage to come forward.
You do not have to choose between your religion or faith and your sexuality. I just wanted to make sure you knew that.
Give your family and friends time to react. Another reason for not making this a holiday bomb is that people will react differently. Some folks probably already know, but others may need to adjust.
Consider not making your girlfriend a part of your Holiday Coming Out. You don’t want to subject her to the reactions of your loved ones. “Surprise, I’m a lesbian” and “Here’s my girl” are two different conversations. You want her to meet your family when they are focused on seeing whether she is a good enough person for their daughter, not while they’re still getting mentally caught up.

Write back and let us know how it goes. Then go live your life and be happy!

Love and Magic,

Abiola Abrams is the author of the award-winning Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, Manifest Your Miracles meditation album and African Goddess Affirmation Cards. The popular lifestyle guru is also the founder of the Sacred Bombshell Self-Care Kits, blog, web TV show, and online academy at SacredBombshell.com. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week’s hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.

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