LOL Must Read: #Zimbabwe 2054 HERALD HEADLINES

1. Gumbura Out of Prison at 92 vows to make up for lost quality time
with women
2. Mbuya Pokello, Elikem’s former wife Reunites with Former
Boyfriend, Sekuru Stunner who has now 16 great great granchildren
3. Winky D Gets Lifetime
Sungura Award
4. World Cup to be held in Zimbabwe, Trojan Mine stadium to host
5. Zimbabwe Imposes Sanctions on U.S.A
6. 130-year-old Mugabe Wins Elections.
7. Tsvangirai’s son loses elections to Mugabe
8. Muzukuru Jukwa arrested for his grandfather’s sins
9. Zimbabwe defeats Brazil 7-0 in World Cup final, coach Prophet
Chiza gets knighted
10. Econet launches reusable ECONDOMs for Low-income families
11. Chinhoyi Diesel N’anga who once dropped out of school at Grade
Seven now a lecturer at Havard University
12. Chinotimba graduates with a PHD in Maths, Economics and
Sanctions Studies
13. Makandiwa now the leader of Johane Marange
14. Miracle baby resurrects as Miracle Grandfather, UFI members run
for dear life
15. Tsvangirai voted Zanu PF national chairman, vows to crush MDC
16. Macheso releases gospel album, as his Zorai Butter Bible Church
becomes biggest church in Zimbabwe
17. Britain pleads to Zimbabwe for financial assistance
18. Zanu PF Evicts last remaining black farmer to resettle whites in
new land reform
19. Emirates now flies to Dubai from Bocha Airport
20. 500 Americans are being denied Asylum in Zimbabwe daily.
21. Chiyangwa now a garden boy in Mahusekwa,
22. Wicknell Chivayo thanks well wishers who donated $2 to buy him
23. Life expectancy in Zimbabwe reaches 107 years
24. Manchester Utd to Play Binga FC in Binga
25. Gringo refuses to be the new James Bond
26. Tsvangirai tells Britain to go to hell and hang. Vows Zimbabwe
will never be a colony again.
27. ZBC to screen AFCON 1988 matches daily.
28. Prophet Angel now repairing bicycles
29. Mugrade Seven now the biggest newspaper in Africa.
30. Psychology Maziwisa remains behind bars over attempted coup
on Mugabe
31. Zimbabweans the most Obese in the world
32. Underground train line extended from Mabvuku to Mbare
33. Pep Guardiola resigns as How Mine Coach
34. Sharuko fired by Zifa as secretary General
35. Air Zimbabwe offers free flights to all over 60s
36. Dembare win Division 4 league title
37. POSB bank opens branches in New York and London
38. War Vets apologize over their behaviour in the 90s and turn of
new millenium
39. Rita Makarau now a mai MuDeacon
40. ZRP to train Police Officers from Germany,
41. Dzivarasekwa twins with Sydney
42. Obert Mpofu osona bhutsu kuMozambique
43. Munotidako Singer Jacob Moyana wins American pop idol

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