Let us call him very creative and imaginative.
I mean how many people can bravely tell the world that they have met US President Donald Trump and received promises of $15 billion with a straight face?
Then lurch to another tall statement that they were invited to London by Queen Elizabeth before telling bemused party activists that Rwanda has a super ICT development status thanks to Chamisa.
Along the way, he spiced his fancy imagination with tales of spaghetti roads, bullet trains and airports behind goat enclosures in Murehwa.
Exactly the kind of thinking that we need in Zimbabwe.
We cant continue to be ruled by people who still think the world is flat.
If young Zimbabweans in the 50s up to the 70s had not imagined that it was possible to have an independent country, we would still be under racist settler colonial rule.
If people had not had fancy imaginations, nobody would have imagined that the cellphone would have been a reality.
A bit of advice for the young lying pastor though.
Avoid telling lies at all cost. The truth is nicer. Be free to dream as all young people and many adults like imagining a better future. That is why people will not have problems with bullet trains, spaghetti roads and rural airports.
The same people will have problems with you deliberately lying that you have met Trump, or that you have been invited by Queen Elizabeth or that you essentially developed the Rwanda ICT policy.
These are lies that can easily be disproved. They create two impressions.
The first one is that a person who can casually lie by name-dropping has a character of what those who worked in urban areas in the 60s and 70s called “kachana mudhorobha” or a “skuzapu”, which is essentially an unreliable character.
Even worse are some emerging sentiments that by clowning around with lies about Trump, Queen Elizabeth and Rwanda, the African Union chair, you are deliberately giving Lizard Ngwena an upper hand under some yet unclear arrangement.
Of course, primitive behaviour such as gambling your sister away and implying women should remain in the background should be banished from your vocabulary, even if you are to unfortunately believe in such ideas.
Other things to avoid include appearing to favour younger and pretty women ahead of senior women in the party such as in the Harare West scandal.
Don’t ever compare your gaffes to those made by some leaders who have been in power forever because people expect better from you.
That is why they will ignore blunders made by the dinosaurs hoping they will soon go away. But if you disappoint them they will express their anger through platforms such as the #ChamisaChallenge designed to mock you.
The one that I liked was how telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell immediately realised that there were three missed calls from Chamisa soon after finishing his invention!
Locally — and this is the truth — I would like to confirm that Chamisa is the one who came up with plans for our Blue Roof Mansion.
Before that, he had designed the plans and single-handedly built the Great Zimbabwe monuments!
Zanu PF blunders and lies
Zanu PF are themselves not angels and it may help to list a few things associated with them.
l Murdering more than 20 000 Zimbabweans in the early 1980s during Operation Gukurahundi in order to retain political power and we know who the chief architect is.
l Murdering more than 200 MDC activists while thousands were maimed during the 2008 elections.
l Wiping away all savings made by Zimbabweans due to hyper-inflation in 2008 after failing to govern
l Failing to dualise the Masvingo Highway despite officially commissioning the process
l Refusing to pipe water from the Zambezi River for the benefit of the people of Matabeleland.
l Failure to dualise the section of the road that passes through Norton in five years
l Failing to account for US$15 billion and plundering our economy
l Murdering white Zimbabwean commercial farmers
l Sending five million Zimbabweans into foreign lands as economic and political refugees
l Making Zimbabweans the laughing stock around the world.
Incompetence and corruption
The Zim Airways plane bought for $70 million has been returned as the media was continuing to expose the slime and grime.
The ED government leased railway wagons from South Africa at a cost of millions of dollars although some of the hardware is said to be incompatible with our systems.
Then there are the snow graders bought in a purchasing blunder at a cost of close to $30 million.
ED officials should have asked for ordinary graders, not snow graders. Meanwhile, the equipment will be used in future if Zimbabwe starts receiving snow falls.
Forward planning indeed.
Question for SB Moyo
As elections approach, I think many Zimbabweans would be happy if you could answer one or two questions.
The main one is: exactly who were the criminals surrounding Gushungo? More than six months after the coup, the people would be happy to be shown at least one criminal.
They thought one of them was Saviour Kasukuwere, but the chap is being charged for border-jumping after he returned last week.
Should Lizard Ngwena not face similar charges following his dramatic border escape from Zimbabwe into Mozambique then South Africa?
When most of the senior politicians and military officers crossed Rhodesian borders into neighbouring countries, were they arrested for border jumping in 1980?