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I know already the title of my article is going to cause a lot of raised eyebrows or a lot of mixed reactions, this is my opinion and I am sure an opinion of many black African mothers out there. I have just been bold enough to write about it! I am a mother of two boys and I know I won’t be adding to the population any further, despite the numerous questions as to when I am having my third and don’t I want a girl? I have accepted that in this life time I shall only be a mother of two boys and I have prayed and told the universe that my daughter-in-laws shall be the daughters that I never had. So in coming to this conclusion I have also prayed that my son’s marry the right woman and by the right woman I mean a woman who is Black or African!! I cannot even begin to fathom my son’s bringing me a white woman, an Indian, Chinese and worst of all a “Colored” Southern African woman.
In Southern Africa, the term Coloreds is an ethnic label for people of mixed ethnic origin who possess ancestry from Europe, Asia, and various Khoisan and Bantu tribes of Southern Africa. Barack Obama would be called Colored so too would Mariah Carey. Now here are my reasons why I wouldn’t want my son’s to marry a Colored woman, firstly it is mainly due to their background which has been made complex by the many contradicting idiosyncrasies they’ve encountered while growing up between two dominant cultures (black and white) to put it simple they are confused and don’t know where they belong and that alone makes them ticking time-bombs! For example I would love to be called “Mama” and not Jane by my daughter-in-law that’s just how African custom is and how I was raised to give respect to my in-laws more importantly my elders. To a colored this may be confusing her “white” upbringing will cause her to say “Hello Jane” and she can blame it on being raised that way and I am supposed to just let that slide? What about her “black” culture surely she should know how to great her mother-in-law?
Secondly I would prefer it if she were a 1st generation colored rather than 3rd or 4th generation of coloreds whereby she can’t trace back her history, women with identity issues are seriously confused and tend to be spoilt Barbie’s and have a lot of daddy issues and we know how common it is for coloreds to not know who their fathers are. 1st generation coloreds at least will be able to relate to their immediate families and I would have a good reference point in probably trying to understand her.
Thirdly 3rd and 4th generation coloreds do not have the etiquette and socially acceptable behavior that normal black or white women have! They are known for their rowdiness, being crass, uncouth, drunk, always involved in fights and we also know they look for financial gain in a man before love! They are back-stabbing and can sleep with their own sisters husbands they have no boundaries and I believe it is really because they have no identity and do know where they belong in society. They don’t really excel in academics and normally just become secretaries, make-up counter girls or they marry well!! I do not need my sons to be calling me in the middle of the night so I can solve some drunken fights or where she has threatened to know an “uncle of an uncle” who is in jail who will harm my son!
I know you are all beginning to say what about love what if he loves her! Well that’s why I am praying I am raising him right to know to stay away from ratchet colored girls and to look more towards his race. I really could go on and on with many reasons why I really don’t want my son to bring me a colored daughter-in-law.